Our Life & Times

I don't even know where to begin today. It has been such a long week. My uptake scan results are in and it is what I thought, there is definitely a nodule on my thyroid. However, I had to have more blood tests because my blood tests before and the scan didn't match up, one says I am hypothyroidism and one says I am hyperthyroidism. I will see the endocrinologist August 16th. Then I guess they will also decide how to proceed with the nodule being there and whether or not is is cancerous.

Then, when all was going better on Friday, we received a package in the mail from one of Konnor's birth grandmothers containing letters to Brian and I and one to Konnor basically blasting Brian and I for not making Konnor call her and see her in a year and a half. She lives only 20 miles away, has our phone number and address and never called us. Why should I call her to see if she wanted to see Konnor? Konnor didn't want to see her and I didn't make him.

Anyway, she also told Konnor in his letter of how his "mother" is clean and sober now and "grieves for him as if he were dead." Why would you write something like that in an 11 year old child's letter? I was and still am so angry I could explode! I called her immediately to hash this out and of course I got her answering machine. I left a not so very nice message and am wondering if she will ever call back. She also tried to bribe Konnor with a season pass to Six flags, gift cards, and a promise to give him a BB gun his "mother" bought him and his baby clothes and pictures if he would call them. Konnor does not want to call them and I don't feel I should make him.

When his birth parents lost their parental rights in court so did the rest of their family. However, we thought it would be beneficial for Konnor to keep in contact with his grandmothers and sister, so although we didn't have to, we allowed them visitation. It was never good enough though. It was never long enough. According to them. His grandmother (who was the one who put him in foster care in the first place) expected to have him on birthdays and holidays and full weekends. Why? It was necessary for our family's bonding process and Konnor's healing process to start having birthdays and holidays with us as a family.

Now, almost 5 years later, Konnor is FINALLY feeling as if he belongs. He struggled for years feeling like he was an outsider, and just when he starts to move on with his life his grandmother reappears out of nowhere and reminds him that he is adopted and although we are legally his parents, his blood family still loves and misses him so much. I understand she is feeling full of guilt and maybe she regrets giving Konnor up. But if she loves him so much why does she continue to disrespect his decision not to see them? And as far as having all this blood family that loves him and misses him, they ALL had an opportunity to step up and adopt Konnor before we did and NONE of them tried.

I just don't understand why now. And are we such terrible people that we deserve to be treated as though we have comitted some sort of crime? We took Konnor into our home when none of his birth family wanted him. We fed him, clothed him, played with him, taught him how to tie his shoes, taught him his address and phone number and how to tell time, helped him in school, attended all of his school and sports activities, took him to church, baptized him, planned his birthday parties and Christmases, took him to the doctor when he was sick, got his braces put on, played "toothfairy" and "Easter bunny" and "Santa Claus", read to him, tucked him in at night, and we taught him to be honest and respectful. I might not have given birth to Konnor but we are in every aspect his mom and dad. We are here through the good and bad. We have to be the ones to discipline Konnor when he messes up. We have to be the ones to go to his parent/teacher conferences and/or meetings with the principal. We take care of him when he is sick or hurt or sad or angry or just plain grumpy.

Anyway, as you can see I am pretty shaken up over these letters. Brian was mad, but like a man, he just acts like it is no big deal, and Konnor read both letters and all he wanted was the Six Flags season pass. I told him he should call his grandmother and he won't. Her phone number remains posted on the side of our fridge where it has sat for 4 1/2 years. There is nothing stopping Konnor from calling, except that he doesn't want to. What would you do if you were in our shoes? Of course, there are many other pieces of the puzzle I didn't mention, like when Konnor would go over there to visit for the day (when he was like only 8) she would drop him off at the pool all day with only his 11 year old sister to supervise, and he couldn't swim yet. Or how about the fact that there is a court order in place stating that there is to be NO contact AT ALL by his birth parents, but when Konnor would go over there his grandmother would save answering machine messages of Konnor's mother for him to hear and would give him presents telling him they were from his mother... There is just so much history. We were hoping it was all water under the bridge, but now we are having a flood.